Throwback Thursday

It's been quite some time since I have written a post. I have been thinking about getting back to it...and just had not found my door until this week.

I have a heavy heart and mind. Early this week I found out my Dad has cancer. Again. This will be his fourth bout. His first cancer was bladder. Then came thyroid. Then came kidney. I think that's the order. My father has no thyroid and only one kidney. The doctors have pinpointed this cancer to either be bladder or kidney. If it's kidney...well, Dad will most likely get one of my kidneys. We are all hoping for bladder, if you can hope for a type of cancer.

Obviously this has me thinking quite a bit about lots of things. The one thing I know is that I am not ready for my Dad to be gone. While it might be scary to donate a kidney, if that is what it comes to, I will gladly do so. This is what families and loved-ones do for each other.

So why the title Throwback Thursday? Because I find myself swimming in old family memories. I remember changing my nephews' diapers. I remember liking the brownie batter off the beaters. I remember Crabs the dog. I remember my first bike.

Before I dissolve into a puddle of tears, this post is taking a left turn.

I remember my brothers Matt and Mark playing WWF with me as the stunt-woman.

I was young...maybe five? Matt, Mark, and I visited Dad every other weekend. (Not to detour, but Matt and Mark are my half-brothers and we only saw each other during Dad weekends.) It was a Dad weekend in the 80s. WWF was IT. I don't know if really knew what in the world WWF was but I wanted to play with Matt and Mark and I wanted them to love me. So...I volunteered as tribute.

Being a WWF tribute consisted of Matt placing me over his shoulders and spinning in a circle as fast as he could, for what seemed like forever. (For the record, super fun.) THEN I would get thrown on the floor or water bed and Mark would drop a 'bow on me. (That part? Not super fun.) I would always end up crying and then Matt and Mark would get in trouble. We would all get mad at each...and then in about 20-minutes I would ask for a helicopter ride...rinse and repeat...

While my family and upbringing is anything far from traditional I love all my memories and lessons learned. I would give my kidney to any one of them. I miss those younger days, I miss my family being closer. But just because we are far apart in distance doesn't mean they are not as close in my heart.

I've never been super close with any of my family, in the terms I think many families are. But I hope they all know they are held closer in my heart than they think. Even if there has been blood and tears in the past.