When I was in graduate school I was able to take a family food and nutrition class. In that class I was finally able to put a name to something that my mom and I struggled with while I was growing up, food security.
Having food security means that you have food available, food access, and food use. Food availability is having enough food. Food access is having resources, both economic and physical, to obtain appropriate foods for a nutritious diet. Food use is the appropriate use based on knowledge of basic nutrition and care, as well as adequate water and sanitation.
Food security can further be defined for a household. A household has food security when all members at all times to enough food for an active, healthy life. Food security also includes the availability of nutritionally adequate and safe foods as well as being able to receive food from socially acceptable ways; that is without resorting to emergency food supplies, scavenging, stealing, or other coping strategies.
When I think back to the days when it was just Mom and I, I am positive we did not have food security. There were times all we had left to eat were a few cans of vegetables and powdered milk. I know my mom would go hungry so I could eat all the time. There was more often than not, no way to get to the store besides the long walk. In terms of nutrition it's hard to explain...
I have always been a fruit and vegetable lover. My mom as well. It's not that we never had fruits or vegetables, we did, but they were always canned; because that is what we could afford. Canned vegetables aren't too bad for you but canned fruit in sugar syrup? Yeah...Not to mention when all you have had to eat for a week is canned peas the first item on the grocery list is not usually canned peas.
Since Mom and I never had enough money, not even enough money to eat, when we did have money or food stamps we got a lot of food.
A trip to the grocery store the first of the month my mom loaded our cart. I can remember being so excited to be at the store and my mom let me put in the cart whatever I wanted...which was, come on, junk food. When we had extra money we always went to McDonald's and so our food insecurity turned food into a reward.
My relationship with food has never been normal. I grew up a trailer park kid who's refrigerator was never really full. I grew up with binging on delicious food because I didn't know when I would eat so well again. I grew up going to bed hungry at times because there was nothing to eat. Is it really any surprise that I would eventually develop an eating disorder?
When I look at pictures of myself from childhood I looked like a normal kid. Yet I started to believe I was fat in the third grade. Due to food insecurity and nutritionally availability I was a few pounds overweight but never anything I saw in my mind. My ED started to manifest my freshman year of High School.
Due to hard work, I was a slightly chubby cheerleader and let me tell you, this girl can jump. My skinny friends on the team could barely get off the ground while my toe touches were a source of pride. It happened when I was cheering with all the other cheerleaders at Varsity Homecoming. A group of boys in the crowd started cheering to me "You're Fat *clap clap*, Lose Weight." I plastered on a smile and did the best damn toe touch I could muster. A tiny blip of pride was deep in my heart when they all then said "Wow! You're really good!" But it was too late. The damage was done.
I was 14. I was 14 and I began to develop an overexercise addiction. I began to run everyday. Sometimes twice a day. In the summer if I overate, I made myself throw up. I lost about 40lbs that summer. I was wearing a size 10. I was so proud! If only anyone had noticed...no one said to me great job, or you look great! So I thought I must still be fat...and my downward spiral began.
Now I can look back and connect my food insecurity as a young girl with my eating disorder as a teen. The drive to prove that I just wasn't a trailer park kid but a smart and successful kid became the drive to compulsively exercise and binge and purge. My hate for normal people became the burn in my stomach when I starved myself.
I would never wish for anyone to feel about food the way that I still do. Food at times is still a reward, a source of guilt, a pleasure, a punishment...
Is there really any reason for any child to grow up without adequate food? Is it really so bad that some of our tax dollars go towards allowing a child to be able to have food? Is it fair that there are still millions of children that have never had food security a day in their life? Is it right for society to convince children they are fat?
Sometimes, I really hate the world we live in.
No comments:
Post a Comment