When you grow up in a trailer park and are surrounded by poverty there are certain things you are exposed to at a young age. Many of the things I have seen at an early age many people will never experience, let alone believe actually exist. The one thing I have plenty of experience with, that is a blessing and a curse, is addiction.
Addiction is serious. It's not just something people can turn off or stop doing with a snap of their fingers. Addiction is everywhere. Not only did I see it in my playmates parents, I saw the evidence of the bruises on my playmates arms. I saw it in their eyes when they asked for food. I heard it in their voice when they never wanted to go home. Not only did I see it in other families, I saw it happen in my own.
When my Dad married for the first time he had my brother Chuck and sisters Jodi and Stephanie with his wife. My Dad's first wife killed herself and my siblings found her. I have always thought this is why all three of these sibling began to deal with drug and addictions issues. Ever since I can remember I have know what drugs are and what they do to people.
My sister Jodi was the worst off. I cannot remember a time where she was sober. I never understood why. She was so beautiful. When I see old pictures, I favor her, but she had the skinny Wyant body that unfortunately passed me by.
I remember my mom wanting to go and visit Jodi. (Even though she and my Dad were long divorced, she was very bonded to Chuck, Jodi, and Steph.) There were times no one knew where Jodi was. I suspect due to being involved with drugs she had to move a lot. She never had any money. Her children were taken from her...yet it always seemed to me that my parents and sibling supported her. They always wanted to find her, give her money, try to get her to stop. That is something I will always struggle with. My family watched her snort her life up her nose. Why didn't they take a tougher approach? Did she ever go to rehab (not to my knowledge)? Because what ended up happening is this: my stepmother found her dead in her apartment.
My entire life I knew that Jodi did drugs. I knew she was an addict. My family did not tiptoe around it; my mom knew I was aware of what was really happening. You know what, I am glad they didn't sugar-coat it because I have never in my life wanted to try drugs. It hurts to know that due to addiction my Dad lost a daughter, my siblings a sister, her children their mother.
I have two nieces that I have never met somewhere in this world. Addiction took them apart. Addiction took their mother.
There are people in this world that do not understand what addiction means. They think that the people who deal with drugs and alcohol are faking and are weak. Maybe that's even harder to understand. I can't be mad at my family for trying so hard with Jodi, can I? I do find it hard not to be mad at Jodi. She had people begging to help her and she constantly threw it away.
I think the reason why I have never in my life wanted to experience drugs is because from an early age I saw it around me and in my family to know what happens with addiction. I never had to wonder what would happen if I tried drugs because I knew. I knew that I didn't want to be starving. I knew that I didn't want to move from town to town. I knew I didn't want to be beaten. I knew that I didn't want die.
I wish Jodi was still here so she could tell her story.
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